I have recently found myself becoming one of those people that get on the bus, grab the Metro or the Manchester Evening News, flicking way past all the important news at the front (or.. moderately important when it comes to the metro) and goes straight to the latest news on Cheryl Cole. I don't know when this started, and Cheryl Cole is just an example, but I found myself reading and getting angry about an interview with Joe McElderry at one point (It is redic that him being gay has become news, it was known right from when he stepped on X-factor, surely.) but I then later referred to the interview in conversation. It's embarrassing, I always put myself as more of an Independent reader, or perhaps The Guardian; *heaven forbid one should read the daily mail, or the gossip section in the metro... I feel I have once again slipped into that habit of exaggerating everything; the danger of keeping a journal. I suppose that there's really not much wrong with reading the metro guilty pleasures articles, and I suppose I only bother to read it because I spend to much time with Samson.
This evening I am quite at ease, this hasn't been the case recently. For the last 18 months I have been suffering with back pain, I blame my mother, from as far back as I remember she's been complaining about her back. As much as I try to deny that we're at all similar in anyway and not related, I have clearly inherited a back problem. Over the last couple of days I've found sleeping really hard, so I decided to do as my mother said and go to the Chiropractor.
I've only got a locked back.
I don't even know what that means, but today my beaut chiropractor told me that in another 17 years I'm going to have a hunch back. I've already got one, is what he told me, Its unnoticeable to the eye (thank the lord) but I have a hunch all the same. It came as an illness does, not like an ordinary certainty, not like anything obvious. It installed itself cunningly, little by little, and now: I'm having 3 sessions of back re-alignment a week for a month, and then have physio after that at £30 each session.
So there we have it, looks like I'm not going to get car insurance ever after my spine has been fixed. On the upside, my doc is beautiful and rang me earlier to ask how I was feeling and he said he's looking forward to seeing me. I'm sure its just procedure, but I'd like to think he just loves me (I also wouldn't like to think so, as thats creepy and unprofessional.. but you understand)
Things are weird at the moment, I've been feeling different, happy, but more like me before Sixth Form. I feel distant from everyone. I don't mind to much, I miss going out getting drunk with Sam, I might have my ups and downs with the guy, but they were the highist ups (no pun intended) and the lowest downs.. and its feeling that freedom I used to feel. I've changed now, and its for the better, it's for my own best interest and for God, but when the people around me don't believe in God and then God feels so far away. I don't want to be now me, I'd rather be the twat that gets drunk all the time and has fun.
Think Alphas getting a grip of me. Alpha, Richard Dawkins and Tony Campolo.
Tomorrow I'm supposed to be playing at the Spinners Arm's live music night. I'm also supposed to be going out clubbing on Canal Street for Sam's 18th. I'm also supposed to be having quality time with my dad and getting a take-away and watching a film. And its bonfire night.
I'm not sure where my priories are, I sort of just want to watch some fireworks.
God Bless, L x
* Quotation taken from Dot Rank.
* Some Sartre quotations stolen from "Nausea" too.
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